Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
