Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
