Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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