You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
