I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am midnight drunk by noon
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize