I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
