what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
