I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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