You just made me feel so damn special
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
