Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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