If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
