The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
