so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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