first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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