im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
