their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
