i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
