When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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