I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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