oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
