I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
