i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can't motorboat a personality
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
