Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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