Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
