he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
