If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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