you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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