If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I believe in your delicious
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
