trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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