He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
