all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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