She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
