are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
