Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
