If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
