Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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