They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
