I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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