Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
