I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
