Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
