So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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