R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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