I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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