So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
