I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
