you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
