I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
