SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
