She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize