I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize