And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
