So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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