hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
