Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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