You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
