its not stalking. its research.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
