dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
