You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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