Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think people are normalizing furries
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
