i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
