I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
