Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
